This blog post was written by the amazing Kristine D'Angelo, Certified Clinical Sexologist and Sex Coach. Read more about her practice and learn how she can impact your relationship.
To lube or not to lube, that is the question!
Being a Clinical Sexologist I’ve been exposed to clients expressing hesitation when it comes to using lubricants in the bedroom. For many couples the idea of using lube isn’t brought up because of the stigmas attached to using it. Many of the couples I coach come in unable to communicate with their partner about what would make sex better for them. Here are a few examples of some stigmas I’ve heard from clients: We’ve never tried it because it’s for people who aren’t attracted to each other or they say I always thought that people who use lube have something wrong with them, they aren’t capable of getting turned on. These reasons are completely false.
I’m here to tell you why lube is oh so important to enhancing your sexual experiences.
First of all, lubricants sole purpose is to reduce friction. When there isn’t enough lubricant produced in the vagina that friction can irritate or tear the sensitive vaginal tissue. This painful irritation can leave the vaginal environment open to infection and increase your risk of contracting an STI and HIV. The stigmas surrounding lube have two sides, the female perspective vs. the male perspective. If a woman requests lube then she feels she’s admitting something is wrong with her vagina or there is a lack of arousal. If a man requests it then he’s admitting to himself that she may not desire him sexually. Both of these are misconceptions that society has played a role in creating which introduces unnecessary pressure and bodily shame to a relationship. In reality, lube is the very thing you want to introduce to your sexual activity because it will only enhance both of your experiences. Where is the shame in that?
There are many reasons why women would like to experience sex using a lubricant.
Here are just a few situations that would aid in a more comfortable sexual experience:
Menopause - When a woman is perimenopausal she can start to experience vaginal dryness causing painful sex, which would require some kind of outside aid to allow for a more pleasant sexual experience. This stage in a woman’s life is related to a drop in hormones and is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s important to communicate the different stages/changes within your body with your partner so they can support you and be on board with reasons behind using lubricant.
Dehydration/Body Stressors- When your body is dehydrated or stressed all of your body can be effected by this including arousal response time when naturally creating vaginal lubricant.
Foreplay- If you or your partner aren’t a big fan of foreplay, the arousal kick-starter, then lube is a necessary part of avoiding friction while having sex. Foreplay is when a woman’s body slowly ramps up for sex and the vagina becomes naturally lubricated. If foreplay is skipped, then it will be harder for a woman’s body to match that arousal time.
Stretching- If your partner’s penis is large or you’re wanting to introduce toys, you will need lubrication to allow the vaginal/anal tissues to expand providing less friction and causing less to no pain.
Dear readers, if you take one thing away from this blog post, take away the confidence that you need to feel comfortable bringing up using lube with your partner.
There is no shame in protecting your body and taking control of your pleasure.
I personally and professionally recommend Chiavare to my clients and friends because of it’s natural composition.
Having a vagina is hard enough, why make things more difficult using lubricants with ingredients you can’t pronounce or explain what they are?
Introduce lube to your partner tonight and experience a positive shift in your sexual experiences. You won’t be disappointed!
Should we keep applying lube during sex , it seems to dry after a few minutes