Medically Reviewed by Dr. Melissa Thompson, PT, DPT, MTC
Dr. Thompson is board certified and the owner of Louisiana Pelvic Health. Her expertise is in alleviating bladder, bowel, and sexual pain symptoms during pregnancy, postpartum, and throughout a woman's life.
Sex just isn't the same as it used to be.
The passion. The connection. The fire between you and your partner.
It's starting to fizzle. You're wondering what the future of your sex life will be like (and you definitely want great sex).
Thankfully, great sex after menopause exists.
Below are 5 tips to find boost your sex life, find passion & connection in your relationship, and not allow menopause to take control.
Sex Drive After Menopause - Will It Go Down?
Many women think that their sex drive is automatically going to go down as they enter menopause and after menopause.
But, this may not be true:
Here's what recent research from Europe has to say.
"One third (34%) of the women mentioned experiencing a reduced sex drive whereas one half (53%) of the women noticed that they became less interested in sex in spite of the majority of the sample reporting finding it important to maintain an active sex life (71%)."
One-third of women saw a reduced sex drive.
Sure, that's one in every three women. But, there's this social stigma out there that women will automatically lose sex drive when they go through menopause. That's just not the case.
Do Women Enjoy Sex After Menopause?
Can women have sex after menopause?
Not only can women have sex after menopause, but women can really enjoy sex after menopause.
Some women even claim that their sex is better after menopause.
We don't want to make sex after menopause sound like unicorns and rainbows all the time:
For some women, the sex might not be as good. There's a chance that it'll hurt.
But, that doesn't mean that you'll be stuck feeling that way forever. You can change your physiology. You have more of an influence over this stuff than you think.
Painful Sex After Menopause - Will It Happen To Me?
According to a recent study, nearly half of women aged 45 - 75 experienced painful sex (dyspareunia).
There's a chance that'll it'll happen to you:
But, here's the interesting part about painful sex. There are things that you can do to reduce the pain.
Here are some tips to reduce dyspareunia after menopause:
- Use an all-natural lubricant
- Eat healthy foods that are anti-inflammatory in nature
- Incorporate mindfulness and meditation into your life
- See a pelvic floor physical therapist to see if your pelvic floor needs strengthened or to be relaxes
- Go to the doctor to make sure nothing is seriously wrong
“Menopause Destroyed My Marriage,” Said Too Many People
Too many people have had menopause destroy their marriage.
To some degree, menopause WILL affect your marriage or your relationship. During menopause, a woman’s body is going through a complete transformation. Hormones are all over the place, affecting how a woman physically feels, how she emotionally perceives, and how she instinctually behaves.
How Can Menopause Affect Marriage?
Menopause can affect your marriage for a couple of reasons.
It comes down to some of the symptoms that a woman is experiencing during menopause:
- Mood swings
- Vaginal Dryness
- Trouble sleeping
- Low energy
- Hot flashes
- Painful Sex
- And more
These changes are potentially unbalancing a woman’s body and emotions.
Female Arousal After Menopause Is Possible
Some women think that their libido will essentially plummet to nothing during and after menopause.
That’s not true.
Women in perimenopause, menopause, or post-menopause can get aroused and desire sex.
Natural Ways To Increase Sex Drive After Menopause:
There are natural ways to increase sex drive after menopause.
Before we get into those, we'll share some of the "unnatural ways" that are available and why you should be wary of those.
- Prescription drugs: Can often have nasty side effects. For many women, they won't actually do much.
- Surgeries: Some women will go as far to get surgery. This can be an option when natural remedies have been exhausted. Consult with your healthcare provider to see what is right for you.
What are the benefits of trying natural?
Not only will the natural approaches to increasing libido promote an increased sex drive, but they'll also promote holistic wellness.
For example, one way to naturally increase your sex drive is to eat healthier. Not only will this potentially increase your sex drive, but it'll also make you feel better.
Below are some ways to increase your sex drive and improve your marriage after menopause.
1. Talk About It
Talking about your problems, feelings, experiences, and more can help build a connection in your relationships.
And, the thing is, it’s never too late to bring something up. If you and your spouse haven’t had sex for a long time, you can still bring it up in a positive, beneficial way.
Instead of coping with a sexless marriage on your own, you can bond with your partner and share how you really feel.
This is usually the first sexless marriage advice for men. From a stereotypical point of view, men are less likely to want to talk through their feelings and share what they’re experiencing.
Here are some important things to know:
- Talking through your sexless marriage will not be a one-time thing. It’s a continuous dialogue that will change over time.
- Talking through things will not solve all your problems. Don’t take this the wrong way - it’s an extremely important thing. But, the actions that follow the conversation are even more important. After, your partner needs your support, love, encouragement, and respect. It’s how you make them feel that’s the most important.
2. Practice Meditation and Mindfulness
There was a recent study that discovered that:
One potential symptom of menopause is a lower sex drive.
While this study did not directly mention that mindfulness practices could benefit sex drive, there are other sources of evidence (not on women going through menopause) that show that practicing meditation can help with sex drive.
Take a look below at what the data has to say:
Mindfulness doesn’t mean sitting cross-legged and saying ‘om’:
I’m a proponent of all different types of meditation. I find value in seated, more “traditional” meditations.
But, mindfulness can (and should) be what works best for you:
- Breathing exercises
- Walking “meditation”
- Mantra repetitions
- Creating art
- Stream of consciousness writing
3. Make Sex More Enjoyable With Chemical-Free Lube
There are two common symptoms of menopause that are often not fully taken care of.
- Vaginal Dryness
- Painful Sex
Part of the reason why some women do not want to have sex could be that it’s painful or that they don’t produce enough natural lubrication (which, again, makes sex painful).
Lube is the answer, right?
Not every lube is created equal. Most common lube brands are packed with chemicals that can negatively affect a woman’s vaginal health and overall health.
It’s important to make sure your lube is chemical-free, all-natural, and vegan.
4. See a Marriage Counselor
Counseling has a VERY negative connotation with it.
It’s my opinion and the opinion of a lot of really smart people that every couple should get some sort of counseling. Yes, even couples that are extremely happy and feel like they don’t have many problems.
Why should you consider seeing a marriage counselor for a sexless marriage?
- Over 98% of couples that have had couple’s therapy said that it was a positive thing for their relationship.
- A therapist is an independent, detached, and trained 3rd party to listen, ask questions, and help you and your partner connect.
5. Schedule Your Sex In A Romantic Way
We know that this sounds weird.
And, it can be really weird at first.
But, there’s a way to schedule sex to make it exciting, romantic, and interesting.
For example, you can send your partner a text, email, or calendar invite that aligns with their sexual interests - whether that be role-playing, a massage, or something else.
6. Visit a Medical Doctor To Make Sure You Don’t Have Extreme Hormone Inbalances
There’s a chance that women (and men) can have hormone imbalances that are throwing off not only their sex life, but how they feel on a day-to-day basis.
By going to a medical doctor, you and/or your partner will be able to rule out a medical diagnosis that explains why libido has decreased. What’s great is that if you or your partner does have a hormonal imbalance, then the doctor can prescribe the proper treatment.
7. Menopause Help For Husbands
Many husbands feel more disconnected from their wives as they go through menopause.
During menopause, some women can experience mood swings that their husbands aren’t sure how to navigate. It can be challenging - is it best to give your wife time and space? Should you try to talk to them about what’s going on?
The same goes with sex drive - some women may experience lower libido during menopause.
Husbands can feel lonely, not desired, or sexually frustrated.
Here are two tips to help husbands while their wives go through menopause: