Living In A Sexless Marriage - 5 Tips To Find Passion & Connection

It’s just not the same as it used to be. 

The passion. The connection. The fire between you and your partner.

All of it has fizzled. You might have sex once every couple months. You’re lonely.  

But, it doesn’t have to be that way.

Below are 5 tips to find passion & connection in your relationship.

“Menopause Destroyed My Marriage,” Said Too Many People

Too many people have had menopause destroy their marriage.

Stories like this, or like that, happen over and over again. 

To some degree, menopause WILL affect your marriage or your relationship. During menopause, a woman’s body is going through a complete transformation. Hormones are all over the place, affecting how a woman physically feels, how she emotionally perceives, and how she instinctually behaves.

How Can Menopause Affect Marriage?

Menopause can affect your marriage for a couple of reasons.

It comes down to some of the symptoms that a woman is experiencing during menopause:

  • Mood swings
  • Vaginal Dryness
  • Depression
  • Trouble sleeping
  • Low energy
  • Hot flashes
  • Painful Sex
  • And more

These changes are potentially unbalancing a woman’s body and emotions.

Female Arousal After Menopause Is Possible

Some women think that their libido will essentially plummet to nothing during and after menopause.

That’s not true.
Women in perimenopause, menopause, or post-menopause can get aroused and desire sex.

1. Talk About It

Talking about your problems, feelings, experiences, and more can help build a connection in your relationships.

And, the thing is, it’s never too late to bring something up. If you and your spouse haven’t had sex for a long time, you can still bring it up in a positive, beneficial way. 

Instead of coping with a sexless marriage on your own, you can bond with your partner and share how you really feel. 

This is usually the first sexless marriage advice for men. From a stereotypical point of view, men are less likely to want to talk through their feelings and share what they’re experiencing. 

Here are some important things to know:

  1. Talking through your sexless marriage will not be a one-time thing. It’s a continuous dialogue that will change over time. 
  2. Talking through things will not solve all your problems. Don’t take this the wrong way - it’s an extremely important thing. But, the actions that follow the conversation are even more important. After, your partner needs your support, love, encouragement, and respect. It’s how you make them feel that’s the most important. 

2. Practice Meditation and Mindfulness

There was a recent study that discovered that: 

Midlife women with higher mindfulness scores experienced fewer menopausal symptoms,"

One potential symptom of menopause is a lower sex drive. 

While this study did not directly mention that mindfulness practices could benefit sex drive, there are other sources of evidence (not on women going through menopause) that show that practicing meditation can help with sex drive.

Take a look below at what the data has to say:

There are a variety of meditational techniques to intensify sexual pleasure and connection.”

Mindfulness doesn’t mean sitting cross-legged and saying ‘om’:

I’m a proponent of all different types of meditation. I find value in seated, more “traditional” meditations.

But, mindfulness can (and should) be what works best for you:

3. Make Sex More Enjoyable With Chemical-Free Lube

There are two common symptoms of menopause that are often not fully taken care of.

  1. Vaginal Dryness
  2. Painful Sex

Part of the reason why some women do not want to have sex could be that it’s painful or that they don’t produce enough natural lubrication (which, again, makes sex painful).

Lube is the answer, right?

No. 

Not every lube is created equal. Most common lube brands are packed with chemicals that can negatively affect a woman’s vaginal health and overall health. 

It’s important to make sure your lube is chemical-free, all-natural, and vegan. 

4. See a Marriage Counselor

Counseling has a VERY negative connotation with it. 

It’s my opinion and the opinion of a lot of really smart people that every couple should get some sort of counseling. Yes, even couples that are extremely happy and feel like they don’t have many problems. 

Why should you consider seeing a marriage counselor for a sexless marriage?

  1. Over 98% of couples that have had couple’s therapy said that it was a positive thing for their relationship.
  2. A therapist is an independent, detached, and trained 3rd party to listen, ask questions, and help you and your partner connect

5. Schedule Your Sex In A Romantic Way

We know that this sounds weird.

And, it can be really weird at first.

But, there’s a way to schedule sex to make it exciting, romantic, and interesting. 

For example, you can send your partner a text, email, or calendar invite that aligns with their sexual interests - whether that be role-playing, a massage, or something else. 

6. Visit a Medical Doctor To Make Sure You Don’t Have Extreme Hormone Inbalances

There’s a chance that women (and men) can have hormone imbalances that are throwing off not only their sex life, but how they feel on a day-to-day basis.

By going to a medical doctor, you and/or your partner will be able to rule out a medical diagnosis that explains why libido has decreased. What’s great is that if you or your partner does have a hormonal imbalance, then the doctor can prescribe the proper treatment.

7. Menopause Help For Husbands

Many husbands feel more disconnected from their wives as they go through menopause.

During menopause, some women can experience mood swings that their husbands aren’t sure how to navigate. It can be challenging - is it best to give your wife time and space? Should you try to talk to them about what’s going on? 

The same goes with sex drive - some women may experience lower libido during menopause. 

Husbands can feel lonely, not desired, or sexually frustrated. 

Here are two tips to help husbands while their wives go through menopause:

  • Be patient: Whatever is going on, make sure to practice patience. This is challenging but will give you more peace as well. If your wife says something, does something or acts a certain way, give yourself 2-3 seconds to respond. Try not to immediately lash out.
  • Make her feel beautiful: Many women can experience weight gain, bloating, and other physical changes during menopause. Compliment her. Do things to show her how beautiful she is.  
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